all i need is paper and a pen..

used to sleep like an angel
waiting for a cry in heaven
morning clipped its wings
he could never fly again.

chose to be swallowed
from underneath the black waters
consult the mourning dreams
with fountain of horrors

dark moon waning blue
in summer skies half empty;
bitter with sweet expectations
thoughts in rapt solitary.

insult from blindness
or maybe stirred away
left alone in dark sorrows
seek for the dusk someday

meditation in the soft wind,
though it might be a sin..
unveiling in the mirror,
it bends invisibly within.

to see me, i wish him not
could just stay in this cavity
only dream of one desire
for this written tragedy:

perceive some kind of antidote
for the agony that lies
in the soft sky that moves
in fusion with his eyes..

sinira ko ang gate nyo
wala pang dalang sipilyo
nakigamit na nga ng banyo
nakitulog pa sa kwarto.
ngunit….
madilim ang ilaw.
wala na ang araw.
nasa ‘yong tabi.
makakatulog nako ngayong gabi.
pasensiya sa istorbo,
nandito nanaman ako
painom ng tubig sa gripo,
di bale nang magtae siguro.
onting tagay pa
masasabi ko nang mahal kita
pero teka wag muna
baka kasi mailang ka..
aalis na ba ngayon?
punta na ba ko dun?
parang ayaw ko pa magpaalam
parang wala nakong pakialam..
bagal mo ipasa
lukot na yang baraha
talo nanaman ako
bangag narin sayo..
kanta lang nang kanta
ingat nga lang sa disgrasya
baka magunaw ang mundo
sa utot mong sintunado
kala mo lasing na?
medyo hindi pa..
ganda lang kasi ng ngiti mo
para bang natutunaw nako..
pakshet umaga na
lagot ako sa aking ina.
ngunit… di bale na
nakasama naman kita.
tama na yang mga pangamba.
tama na yang mga pagdududa.
masaya nako.
kahit walang sipilyo.

you possess me
you have me
you control me
i belong to you.

you hold me captive
built me a prison
and now i cant–
cant breathe.

such a god
such a demon
a fallen angel
you stole my will

havent you had enough?
asking me all these questions
when you fucking know
all the fucking answers

whispers creep down my skin
you’re using me
you’re playing with me
i know you’re laughing at me

im losing my soul
please dont burn me
have pity
but dont let go..
dont let go..

for in this prison
in this helplessness
in all this slavery
you are free to take me
i am yours..

cut me open
dissect this clot
feeble heartburn
thus instigated
against knowledge
against reason.
parasite-driven
it’s not my fault.
it’s not fair.
don’t infiltrate
my vulnerable system
i didnt know.
amputate all hate
set aside blame
else i slash
my stitched insides.
the breaking migraine
crushed my brain
from thinking guilt.
slaughter me,
it’s my fault.
im sorry.
seize me,
i allow you.
goodnight.

apterous, destitute of wings
suicide, in dire need of self-mutilation
sardonic and bitter, caught in a masquerade;
perplexed, lost in a state of mental agitation

the portrait of a forgotten nightmare
obscured by salient awakenings
addicted to indulgence unrestrained
yet exclusive of my real feelings

why the seclusion?
why the isolation?
can’t bear to give way
else the need for irrational decay

bear witness to the famous statement
"stop questioning about the content"
fear of rejection, fear of violation
seek justice from pure contentment

resuscitate me.
i commend to the maggots that feed on me.
murder by mere presence,
i seek salvation from your imperious essence.

vacuous from mind and opinion
i surrender my rationality
detachment from unwritten reality
in my despair, i am your territory.

standing face to face with the devil
half wanting to run away
half wanting to give in.
the tease says she’s in control
but really, she’s the toy.
being played with.
manipulated.
and yet
she lets it happen.
it’s the pain–
it’s the power–
or the lack of it
that drives her wanting for more.
hypnotized
confused
lost in a vacuum
of space enclosed.
her heart is dead.
it stopped beating.
but her head is hazed in a dream
of an empty reality
of uncontrollable desires
of deceit
of constant turmoil
of endless instability.
the manipulator has met her match–
the devil.
the punisher.
of eyes deeming with hate.
and cruelty.
and dominion.
existentialist motives
he feeds on slavery.
and apparently..so does she.
shifting between realities–
is she in control?
she holds the choice,
or so it seems.
Abuse never tasted so good.
I don’t know you.
and yet,
i already know–
all i need to know.
you are.
…
…
…
my sadist.

have we met?
seems like the first
yet i swear ive seen
those pair of wings
enlighten my being
at least once before

havent we talked?
seems like the first
yet i swear ive heard
that same creeping voice
whisper flutters to my ears
at least once before

those eyes,
those gentle, warm windows
of deep excavation..
enchant the depths of my soul–

something in those wings
that captivate my hidden emotions
of desire entrenched
of blinded passion

my moth..
carry me–
teach me to fly–
to soar, to be free
just like we did
at least once before

walk with me again
fool me
hurt me
make me wonder..
laugh at me
never seize to smile
those dangerous eyes
haunting my memory..
weigh me down
seek refuge in me
i will wake you up
just like you said.
scratch with claws
of undefined meanings
pulling the hair
out of my busy head–
i will rest
in peace tonight
as i close my eyes
to your recognition.